November 27, 2011.......Housing, Slowing down, Less stuff

We are enjoying a wonderfully slow Sunday here. We are still getting stuff done, just at a much more relaxed pace. Why did we have to move 1/2 way around the world to figure out how to slow down? Or maybe its more a combination of the heat and the amazing level of exhaustion we had attained by the time we got here. I was asleep by 7 pm last night and slept hard until 6 am.

We are still in temporary housing. We have been searching for a long-term house but haven't found what we are looking for yet. We are starting to get a little antsy, wanting to get settled somewhere. Of course our sea shipment won't be here for another 2 months anyway, so it will take a while before we are all set up. Our temporary housing is just fine - 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, adequate kitchen, living and dining rooms. It has a washer/dryer, though no dish washer. This latter fact bummed me out at first but I have actually enjoyed washing the dishes. It is almost meditative. I even have found a little comfort in ironing Paul's work clothes...funny how our feeling about something can change.

Paul and I have spent a lot of time thinking about what we want the pace of our lives to be in this new chapter. I have done some reading on how our crazy lives are affecting the well being of our children and it is really quite alarming.

Kids get stressed just like we do and their behavior changes just like ours does. The fast pace and amount of "stuff" we have affects their quality of life just like it does adults. Kids have too many choices in toys and even books - it stresses them to figure out what to play with or read. They do not like clutter. They often don't end up having strong bonds with a toy or two, like we had growing up.

This message was quite a wake-up call for me. I couldn't understand why it seemed the more toys we bought the more dissatisfied we all were. There was more stuff always underfoot, the toy room was always messy and uninviting 10 minutes after I cleaned and organized it. I starting reading and I finally understood I was stressing them with all the options. The kids kept wanting more new toys because that gave them clear direction in what to play with...it was ok to just give the new toy their attention and ignore the others.

Before we left Alaska we gave away about 3 truckloads of toys and books. We threw out lots of broken plastic toys that were a total waste of money and space. We replaced some plastic toys with quality wooden ones. We stopped buying toys every time the kids asked for one, even if it had a wonderful learning application. Too much is too much. The kids didn't even mind that we were giving away all the toys. They enjoyed the new real estate they had to run around. They seemed to appreciate the fewer choices they had when we asked them to pick out books for bedtime reading.

Since we have arrived in Darwin, it has been amazing to see our little ones occupy themselves with very little. All they have to play with is what we brought on the airplane. As I type, Ryland is playing with a little hair clip that he has 'transformed' into a motor vehicle of some sort. It is going through pages of a book, jumping over the pictures, driving down roads. Yesterday, he played a game with the bubbles in the sink after we did the dishes. He made a map of Australia, then one of Alaska, followed by different animals by rearranging the bubbles in the water.

Right now our two little girls are happily playing a game of house. They are using a towel and some shoes for a pillow, a nightshirt for a blanket. They have a couple of their favorite stuffed toys that they are developing a much deeper bond with because there are no others lurking around, competing for their attention. Our kids are happy. They are not even asking for all their other stuff.

When the other stuff arrives (some in 2 weeks, some in 2 months), some of it will be given away to kids here, some of it will be stored until we are ready to store what is currently kicking around. We will rotate the toys so there are always fewer choices and less clutter under foot for us all.

It is overwhelming to start to make changes, trying to figure out what direction feels right for you and your family. Where to start? When to stop? I guess the point is there is no end...it will always be a journey of trying your best, making mistakes and moving forward. In my opinion, the biggest challenge with parenting is not a lack of a guide book, but an abundance of them....wait, am I feeling just like my kids, now?